he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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