he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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