Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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