he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
