I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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