She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
