Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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