walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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