On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
