So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
