I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
