its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
