i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
