we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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