do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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