I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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