I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize