Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
