im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
