The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
