captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
