I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
