Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
