Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His nipple licking is glorious
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