Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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