I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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