I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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