tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
