i will never coherently bang her
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
