Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
