i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
