who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
