Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
