I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
