he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
