I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
