Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
