In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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