Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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