If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
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