I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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