I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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