I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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