you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
