no. you can't hotbox the world.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
