Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
