he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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