Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
