Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
