so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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