Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
