Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
