How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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