Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
