it wasn't lemon gatorade
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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