we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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