You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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