I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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