Pants 0. Shit 1.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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