The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
