dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
