so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you have to choose: penises or morals?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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