no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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