I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
