Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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