We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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