Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
