just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
