I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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