Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
