Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My life is pants optional.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
