I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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