Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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