Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
