hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
