I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize