her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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