Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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