do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
