Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
