I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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