So drunk its hurt
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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