Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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