dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
