Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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