Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
its liver damage thursday
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
