no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
