I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize