i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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